At the beginning, relationships are always nice and dandy. You agree with everything your partner says and vice versa. You are willing to compromise, however once that first phase is over you begin to notice your differences and you both show your true personalities. This is when your relationship is put to the test. If you are able to have healthy arguments, you can make the next step to making your relationship serious.
Arguing is an important form of communication
When you are arguing you show your different perspectives and individualism which helps you get to know each other better. Arguing does not always mean that you have problems in your relationship, but only if you do it right. According to one psychiatrist, these 5 suggestions will teach you how to have a productive argument:
Don’t insist on being right
Speak up as soon as you feel anger rising
Stick to the topic
Avoid saying something you will regret
Why couples who argue love each other more
Arguing does not necessarily mean that your relationship is going down the drain. It is also a sign that you and your partner are showing your ideas and opinions and you want to share them with each other. Lack of argument in a relationship can lead to tension and inability to share thoughts with your partner in an attempt to avoid hurting each other. Not arguing can also indicate lack of commitment in the relationship. You might want to ask yourself these questions:
How committed are you if you express your ideas?
Are you able to show your true self in your relationship? Are you brave enough to step over boundaries? Are you confident about expressing your ideas and opinions?
According to dr. Stephanie Sarkis, arguing is one of the seven ingredients of a healthy relationship. She said: “I’ve never seen a healthy couple that doesn’t argue. They never fight, however – they argue. If a couple comes into my office and tells me they’ve never argued, something isn’t quite right. You can argue without fighting. Arguing is non-combative – you and your partner state your points of view without name-calling or raising your voice. Sometimes you agree to disagree – and that’s okay. Figure out what your ‘non-negotiables’ are – the things that you will not budge on. Now rethink that list. I like the saying. You can either be right, or married.”
Challenges and conflicts are normal parts of a relationship
As soon as your relationship continues to the stage of being stable, both partners usually go back to their own places. Instead of putting their partner first, they want to be acknowledged for who they are and they want to be heard and understood. If two people in a relationship argue, they are actually expressing their desires to be heard. Fighting and a constructive argument are not the same thing. Even if the argument is a heavier one, a couple in love will hear each other with respect and they will try to find a mutual understanding.
Angry fighting and expressing your thoughts are not the same
In order to have a constructive argument you must learn the difference between things that are worth arguing about and those you should let go. Elizabeth Gilbert, who is a motivational speaker said: “You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.” You can’t always create trust in your relationship by being quiet. Vowing down to satisfy your partners needs that are opposite of what you believe in will only make you feel like a martyr. Remember, in a loving relationship you argue without being angry.
Couples who argue are more passionate
An intense argument often leads to passionate make-up sex. This is probably due to the hormonal roller coaster which makes you fire up. Dr. Pam Spurr who is a relationship expert claims: “The way in which you argue signals so much about a relationship. The wise couple acknowledges this and keeps an eye on how they treat each other over disagreements. Subconsciously, bickering demonstrates you care about each other even if while bickering you feel annoyed towards your partner. For instance, it shows that you do want your partner to drink less and look after their health. Or you do want them to be on time so that neither of you are stressed out when you have places to be and things to do, etc.”
However, arguing is not the only indicator of a healthy relationship. Other factors include mutual respect, compromise, love, trust and compassion. Be careful not to insult or disrespect your partner while having an argument. Instead of attacking your loved one, try to express your own feelings and opinions in a way that your partner can understand what upsets you.
In the end, the way you treat someone tells a lot more about your feelings than your feelings themselves.
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